juicy bathroom gossip

haha. it's not really that at all. but i know that guys are always wondering what the fuck bitches do in the bathroom. i am here to end this mystery and i hate to disappoint, but here's a hint: it has nothing to do with rubbing our breasts against each other's or trading panties. every time i go into a public restroom (especially at a bar) i come out either annoyed, laughing my ass off, or with a story to tell. last night i made a trip that resulted in my hating preppy fucks even more than i already did (and i didn't think that was possible).

the wachovia classic is in town. so in come flocks of yuppies who think that they are somehow elite because they scored passes (i don't think they are called tickets because that would be too "working class"). i didn't even know it was in town...basically because i don't give a fuck. yesterday i noticed an increase in the amount of people walking around downtown in their polo and khaki combos, complimented by their leather penny loafers. jarrett and i said (i don't know how many times), "they must be lost...do they not know where charleston is"? (for those of you that aren't familiar with charleston, sc, it's on the coast and is made up of rich white folk who would seriously prefer that the south rise again and that they could have a few of the poor black folk fixing them some grits and buttermilk biscuits. surrounding areas, like folly beach, are cool...but charleston is for the fucking birds.)

anyways, when we got to our favorite bar last night i went straight to the bathroom and these two bitches were washing their hands and talking about the poor arrangement of things-the soap and paper towel dispensers are on the right wall so if someone is washing their hands in the right sink the person to the left of them can't get to the shit. this is really no big deal. either wait a fucking second or reach around. well, these ladies decided that it would be a great conversation topic. i stood behind them as the drunker of the two proceeded to practically rip the paper towel dispenser off the wall (is it that hard to tear a paper towel?). the really drunk bitch staggered out and the girl left behind says to me, "woah, looks like she had a few too many at the wachovia classic today". i'm not much for small talk or making friends in the bathroom so i just continued washing my hands.

and here is where you have the classic case of someone wanting to feel elite, or entitled, or special, or worthy. this girl says to me, "my boyfriend is totally still wearing his bracelet that we had to have on to watch the tournament today, and i am like, take it off, you look like an idiot".

at this point i am wishing that i was wearing big sign that said "I DON'T GIVE A FUCK IF YOU SHIT GOLD. YOU ARE PROBABLY A FUCKING IDIOT"

why are you in the bathroom telling a random girl about your stupid ass boyfriend and his wachovia classic bracelet? what could she have possibly wanted to gain out of this? did she think i was going to go to that high pitched squealing place that most dumb bitches reside in and say, "OH MY GOD, YOU GUYS GOT TO GO?? I AM SO JEALOUS! I BET YOU HAVE A POOL AND THROW THE BEST PARTIES!" obviously i didn't go there. instead i said, "poor thing". this prompted her to continue talking about him so i just interrupted and said, "no...i was referring to you...aren't you the one that chose to date the douche bag?"

that got her out of my face.

so you see...nothing interesting happens in the bathroom. well, that's a lie because sometimes you see someone passed out or trying to courtesy flush the smell of their shit away, or someone crying over something ridiculous (which i find really funny). but for the most part it's just girls being girls...and by that i mean really, really dumb.