another day in the life of working for the man

8:45 am
i can say, with more confidence than anything else that has ever parted these lips (or fingertips i guess), that i do not want to work today. i would give someone a blow job to be able to go home. fuck, i would give someone a kidney. the operating room sounds more appealing than this fucking cubicle. oh. and it’s not even 9 am. damn the man!!

8:52 am
i just read this article and thought it was interesting. i kinda want to go to amazon.com and buy the orwell book that it's referring to, but i guarantee that when it arrived in the mail i would open it and be like, "why the fuck did i order this"???

9:00 am
i was so focused on hydrating myself (mmmm, black cherry propel, you complete me) this morning that i forgot to put in a sublime cd. and my ipod is here with me, but not my ear buds. so right now i am staring at a cold metal song bank that is absolutely worthless. is it lunch time yet?

9:02
i just got a meeting planner for an interview for the job i posted for friday. so that's exciting. but then i realized that the interview is this afternoon. that sucks. maybe i should go home on my lunch and come back not looking so much like someone who went out to celebrate a mexican holiday last night. i have booze seeping from my pores.

10:08
smokey time!
so, about this smoke break: i was with 3 others and this one girl opens her cell phone and shoves it in my face and goes, "look at my new kitten" and i said, "i don't like cats, get that thing out of my face". then we went on about our business. the girl w/ the cat went inside before the rest of us and the 2 other people were like, "oh my god, i was trying not to laugh when you said that, that was so hilarious...you are so rude...did you see her face…hahaha"...and i am thinking to myself...all i said was that i don't like cats, get that sh*t out of my face. am i supposed to entertain this girl by pretending that i give a rat's a$$ about her freaking cat??? i have about 2 fake sentences that i can say a week and one of them is surely not going to be wasted on cooing at a picture of a kitten on a fucking cell phone. excuse the shit out of me.

12:50
wow. that was the longest lunch ever. i was able to grab some lunch, take a shower, drop off a prescription and argue with the pharmacy tech about how he doesn’t know what the hell is talking about. all in an hour!! oh, and i finally listened to some sublime.

1:56
the woman near me (with the boston accent that just won't quit) just said "adminstruation" rather than "administration". what a dumb bitch.
i wonder if biggie is somewhere in the sky floating on his own big white fluffy jacuzzi cloud with mad bitches, getting a kick out of the fact that two crackers are blogging about his rivalry with tupac. god we are such fucking dorks.

1:59
you know how sometimes you realize that there is nothing else that could possibly distract you from doing any work so you just kinda look around waiting for something to pop out at you (like when you open the fridge for the eighth time (god eighth is such a weird word) even though you know that there is only a bottle of ketchup and you suddenly have a flashback of your father screaming from 4 rooms away, “close the god damn refrigerator...do you think something is magically going to appear since the time you opened it a whole 3 seconds ago". then i would say, “well god, why doesn’t someone go grocery shopping”, and he would respond, “WHY DON'T YOU GET A JOB AND GO GET YOUR OWN DAMN GROCERIES” and i would say, “because i am thirteen dad….GODDAAA”. then my mom would tell us to quit yelling and order a pizza, which my brother would eat the majority of and my dad would bitch about because it gives him heartburn.
wow. so um, the point of that was this: you look around like the walls of your cube are at any moment going to engage you in conversation and save you from having to do some shit you don’t want to do. but then you realize that they are tired today and don’t feel like talking to you, so you give in and decide to do some work to pass the time. then you get distracted when you are trying to convey such a simple idea and the next thing you know you have relived 72 nights of your high school life…but not the good ones when you sneaked out or drank yourself retarded or ran over mailboxes or lied about going to the zoo in columbia when you were really going with your whore friend for her to get an abortion, but the ones when your dad’s temper made you think that you were on the verge of becoming a victim in the town’s first quadruple homicide. what the fuck am i talking about? god damn i need ritalin again. just one more script please?

3:38
dear god, it’s me brooke. that might have been the best interview ever. although i have never prayed a day in my life, and only entered your houses of the holy on two occasions (oh wait, make that 3, i had to sing in a church in nyc when i was 15) will you please give me this job?

see what i did there folks. i asked for god to give me the job. if i don’t get it, i can use this posting as proof that he does not exist…or that he’s not listening to me, in which case i could say that he must not love me and the god that you believe in is supposed to love all his children so either i am a vampire and just don’t know it yet, or god doesn’t exist….or he doesn’t love everyone and he clearly has beef with white people or southerners or females…or drunks or hippies or 20-somethings or people who cuss like sailors or people who don’t want to reproduce….jesus i fall into a lot of categories.oh, and p.s.-i won’t find out about the position until next week. fuck i hate waiting.

4:34
and look at that. it’s almost time to run wild!